What Would I Change

I had something on my mind and wanted to share; A lot of people that know my story always ask me if I could go back and change something in my life what would it be?!. And typically the first thing that comes to mind is to go back and try and save the 2 women that meant more to me than life itself, My Grandmother and My Mother. Thinking since they died in 85 and 87 respectively, maybe I could save both if I went back to 84. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to bounce around from foster home to foster home or school to school. It was so hard being the new kid at the school all the time, trying to meet new friends (especially with my Charity Newsies).

Then I thought, well if I did that, then I might not have had the drive to make it to the NFL and have the wonderful kids I have now that mean the world to me. Then I selfishly think about some of the decisions I’ve made out there in the streets where I had no business. Selfishly I think about some of the football plays or games I’d like back. The decisions I made in New England is a big one as well.

But then after rehashing those thoughts I come to a place where I know exactly what I’d change. I’d change how I treated my marriage and my ex-wife, the mother of 4 kids. As I was playing football and running from my past, I never got the chance to really appreciate my surroundings. My wife, my kids, my home, my fortune, my gift. During my playing days, I didn’t appreciate NFL football because I felt like it was a curse. Money and fame and everybody wanting to be your friend really hurt me more than you could ever imagine. I needed to learn how to love and so badly wanted to share all of that with my kinfolks but I was so bitter that I couldn’t forgive them for giving up on me.

So I ran and I ran. Come to find out I was just running in place going nowhere. Those same abandonment issues carried into my marriage and I always felt like people only wanted to be around me because of football or money or both! I never let my ex-wife in. Subconsciously I put her in that same category. I didn’t know how not to. I used to do everything on my own.

Monica, Natalie, Samantha, Christian, and Vanessa I’M SORRY for what I couldn’t comprehend. I love you so much and I know you already know this but I felt the need to write it down. Fellas if you got a good woman by your side, please take care of her and know that she’s there with you. If she’s been through the storm with you, don’t question her motives and push her away. Love her and your kids because they need you around. Life’s a lot easier when you’re there. Get out of the streets. Quit chasing all these women. Having multiple sleeping partners truly make you look less of a man. I wish I knew what I know now.

P.S. I believe things happen for a reason and I very happen where I am in life.

Thanks – TG


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